"A (wo)man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last."

For the most part, I am not a self-conscious person. Occasionally, I get concerned if I think someone does not like me, or if someone is making fun of me. But as for my image, I am completely content. Almost completely content.

I was born with bad teeth....The end.

But you've asked for a story so I suppose I could go into detail. I was born with what you call “peg laterals.” In basic terms, my teeth look like pegs. Not all my teeth, only the two surrounding my two front teeth (my fang teeth, if you will). Growing up I was always afraid to smile because I did not want people to make fun of me. Luckily, my uncle AND my step dad are both dentists. Did I say luckily?

My uncle began my tooth-saga a month before my bat mitzvah in 2001. My mom was on-again off-again with her boyfriend so he wasn’t as reliable as my uncle at the time. My uncle put bonding over my two teeth to disguise them as real teeth. I should also mention that he never thought braces were necessary because my bite was good.

Two months later, while eating pizza, one of my teeth fell out. Okay, fine, no big deal. I go back to my uncle’s and he fixes me up. My bonding holds until high school, a prominent time in my life. I was trying to figure out who I was while trying to impress others. Hard to do when your missing one of your front teeth. My other tooth fell out a week before high school began.

Fine, no big deal. My uncle fixed me up.

My teeth surprisingly stayed put in my mouth until freshman year of college. I was eating lunch with new friends--chicken and rice. The rice was not cooked all the way and when I bit down, my tooth cracked in half. Ugh, fine, I guess not a big deal. I mean I had to figure out how and when to go home to get it fixed. At this point, I had become an expert at talking with my mouth mainly closed; however, it was not fun.

My step-dad decided it was time to take the next step. Veneers. I had such high hopes for the veneers, as they were pricey and highly recommended. And boy, did they look good. I was so happy with my new veneers. I smiled every chance I got! Furthermore, everyone complimented me on my teeth, Me! So weird.

And then one day I woke up and one of my teeth were gone. My teeth didn't even give me a warning. I felt used.

Okay, kind of a big deal. These veneers were very expensive and on-top of everything, my high hopes had been shot.

The story continues about 4 more times with my veneers falling out. Finally, my uncle admits that I have an overbite that is causing my bottom teeth to hit my top ones at an awkward position. Fabulous.

So about two weeks ago, I was eating subway and my tooth cracked again. I had become pretty handy with my tooth. I learned that if it was an even crack, and if I was able to save the part that fell off, I could go to CVS and buy denture cream and stick that bad boy back in my mouth. And so I did. What’s annoying about this solution is I cannot eat with the glued tooth in my mouth. Every time I wanted to eat I had to take out the tooth, eat, then stick it back in. It wasn’t so horrible, plus no one knew anything was wrong with my tooth.

So the next weekend I went out with my roommates. I wasn’t completely drunk but I was definitely not sober. As always, I was looking forward to my late night pizza feast. God I love pizza. Anyway, I bite into my pizza like there’s no tomorrow and it was so good. I take my second bite and its just as good as the first, but a bit crunchier. I’m so tired of these pizza places burning the crust so much that its hard to bite into.

Oh shit....that was my tooth.

Unfortunately, this story does not have an ending. My uncle was able to bond my tooth for the time being, but, knowing my mouth, it is not permanent. I tried to make this as entertaining a story as possible, but keep in mind it is still a sensitive subject that I continue to deal with. Thanks for your understanding.

Snow My God

"Yo te voy amor. Quando digas too. Y te abrasares. Baby toda la noche"

How did I get here? How did I get to be sitting on my friends kitchen counter, belting out the lyrics to "I'll make love to you" in Spanish with no definitive plan with my life.

I consider it to be the last hoorah of college. The last time we, the wolf gang, were really at it in full force. Of course, we hadn't decided to call ourselves "The Wolf Gang" until homecoming weekend the following year when we all returned to visit, but I think deep d

own we always knew.

Snow my god...

I'm not really sure how or where to begin this story. So I'll begin with a cat fight. Literally. My roommate Lindsay wanted to get a cat. I am highly highly highly allergic to cats so I told her I don't think so. She didn't like that answer and, like the mature adult she is, told me she did not believe that I was allergic to cats and would get a cat anyway.

The thing I loved most about Lindsay was her consideration towards others. She really had a way of brightening someone's day. Not only that, but she was the least selfish person I've ever known.

Snow my god...

So I was pissed, so pissed that it began to blizzard! All I knew was I COULD not and WOULD not be trapped in a house with her for an unknown amount of time. Thus, Lynn and I made the journey to Wood Hills, the neighborhood next to ours where our friends live.

Our school had cancelled classes for the next 3 days due to inclement weather. What were 16,000 college students to do for 3 days with no obligations? You guessed it, SING AND DANCE!

We were singing and we were dancing until Ashley turned the music off and read the infamous text message.

"Its from Drew. He said Chi Sigma is still having their bid cell AND they are ALL still dressing up!"

It's tradition for Chi Sigma to dress up on their bid cell in various Halloween and funky costumes. It isn't, however, tradition for girls to be present and/or wearing costumes... until this year!

"Bahahaha are you gonna wear the feather hat that goes with it?"

"Nah, I was thinking of wearing my scream mask instead--mix things up a bit"

"Haha I'm gonna wear my Marie Antoinette wig!"

"Ahhh soo great!"

So we all got dressed, put make up on, ate, and called a cab.

"Sorry ma'am but their ain't no cabs drivin' in this here weather"

Crap! How were we suppose to get all the way across town if no cabs or buses were running?

On a normal, hot, breezy, sun-shining day, when the weather is perfect for walking, and the air smells like roses, we would not walk to Chi Sigma. We would not walk to Chi Sigma if they bribed us with food/presents/gifts. We would not walk to Chi Sigma if we were being chased by an ax-murder...it's just way to far. But, so I'm told, anything can happen on a snow day.

The journey began at around 1pm. The blizzard was in full force, winds blowing around 60miles an hour, snow accumulating 2 feet. Did I mention we were in costumes?

We walked out of the neighborhood, down the main road, and onto campus.

2pm. We were still on campus.

3pm. Arrived at Chi Sigma. We were short 2--they just couldn't make it. All the men of Chi Sigma were playing in the snow outside their house. They all stopped what they were doing as we approached.

"Carter, what are you doing here!? This is Chi Sigmas ONLY!"

"What? Drew told us to come.."

And with that, we walked inside and made ourselves comfortable.

We were able to find someone with 4 wheel drive to drive us back to Wood Hills. At this point it was finally nighttime and we weren't the least bit tired.

Back at Ashley's house we hung out in the kitchen and sang 90's songs. It was probably the best experience of my life, sitting there with my best friends, singing and dancing, in full-out costumes. I think I was also sentimental at the time because I knew the end was near--we would soon graduate and this lifestyle we'd grown accustom to would cease to exist.

Most of my friends lived in Wood Hills. They had a scooter club that would meet on Tuesdays and go for a ride. Ashley happened to be a member and had a scooter lying around.

"We...should totally....go scooter on the iced roads"

"That is a great idea Joanne"

So Joanne and I began racing each other down the icy roads on a scooter. We were wearing tons of layers, so when we fell it didn't hurt too much. We were having the time of our lives!

..Until I fell and slammed my wrist against the hard ice. It hurt. But, now that I know real pain is when your toe nail comes off, I would say it was probably a pain of 8 on a scale of 10. It's convenient that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. Due to my horrible pain from carpal tunnel, I carry a wrist brace around, to put on when I hurt. This is what I used the remainder of Snow My God to keep my wrist safe from the blizzard.

Snow my god was a learning experience. It was a time to grow, a time to love and a time to be care-free all at the same time. We knew when the snow melted all of this would be over both physically and metaphorically. We will always have the memories of Snow my god to cherish in our heart, even if just for a week, we were the queens of the world.