No Girl's Shit Is THAT Big!!

Spring Break 2008! Sophomore year!

We decided to go to Florida--me, my friend Lynn, and my friend Lizzie. Well, we didn't have a lot of money and Lizzie's friend Tom went to The U (University of Miami). I had met Tom a few months prior, and we hit it off pretty well. So it was set--we were going to stay with Tom for an entire week in the gorgeous city of Miami.

To say it was tight quarters could mean anything. But seriously, it was rooms the size of closets with 2 boys living in it....and then us 3 overstaying our welcome.

Skipping to the good stuff. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't go 5 hours without pooping. Yes, I said it, pooping. Poop Poop poop. Get over it. Girls poop! And I was blessed with the ability to poop multiple times during a day. Not only that, but I pride myself on being a quick pooper. Sometimes I can shoot those puppies out in a minute flat. Just one of my many talents.

So I was really into Tom and while I am very outgoing and loud and gross, I wasn't yet comfortable enough to poop in their one toilet. The first two days Lynn, Lizzie and I ran across the street to CVS to take care of our business. The third day, I was on my own. Neither of the girls had to go and refused to walk with me. I just couldn't hold it any longer.

I should mention here that Tom's dad owns half of the Chick-fila's in the US. Thus, we got it for free and ate it every day of our trip there.

I couldn't hold it. So, I went. It was a day they had other people over. I am notorious for blaming other people for my bodily mishaps. So I figured, if things went wrong, I'd blame the dumb blond who was there.

I put toilet paper on the seat. I turned the shower on to try to block out the stink. I sat on the seat and released stress from my toosh. It was quick, as normal. I finished, I wiped, I flushed.

I flushed.

I flushed.

I freak out.

"Lynn, Lizzie, come here NOW!"

"So...I just went number 2 and I'm pretty sure the toilet is clogged...what do I do?"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"You guys, its not funny, I'm freakin out. There's no plunger. I'm just gonna tell Tom it was there before me."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Tom, I really need to pee but I can't because I'm too grossed out. Someone left a massive doodie in the toilet and it won't flush"

"Just keep trying, that toilet NEVER clogs, and trust me, these guys take some massive ones."

"I did and nothing! I'm going to pee my pants"

"Alright, let a real man handle this"...5 minutes later

"Holy f**ing shit! That is the biggest crap I've ever seen. Wow!"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Seriously its some major terd nuggets floating in their!"
"I know! and Tom I really need to go. I saw that blond chick go in their before me. I'm like positive it was her!"

"No. This was no girl's doing. This had to have come from a big man. No definitely not a girl. Sick!"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Tom leaves the room and returns with yellow caution tape. He posts the tape around the bathroom and warns everyone to not enter! He grabs a spatula from the kitchen and heads into the bathroom.

Returns 2 minutes later.

"Guys, we got a serious prob. I need to run across campus real fast and grab a plunger. It's mad annoying that whatever dude did this isn't steppin' up and fixing it. Be a mann"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Ok guys, seriously shut up! What am I gonna do? Should I just tell him? OMG he's going to think I'm a freak!"

NOOO never ever tell him...EVER!until now :)